Thursday, March 06, 2008

Ten Tips to become a Tamil movie Director

If you ever wanted to become a Tamil movie director, you have to know or learn or digest these tips and follow them strictly.

Rule No. 1: The Hero is immortal. No matter what hits him; even if a truck hits him in 100 kmph or 1000 megavolts electricity is passed into him. Even if he dies, no matter how much time it takes, a doctor has to come and pump his heart to bring him alive. Regarding the electricity, you may also decide to punish the electricity for trying to kill the hero by making the transformer explode.

Rule No. 2: The Hero is the best fighter ever in the world. No matter what his profession is; Software engineer or Beggar or Mechanic or College student. The Hero should be able to knock down any number of professional rowdies. During this process, he may not get more than 2 or 3 hits. In that case, he could only bleed 2 drops of blood from his mouth and his forehead. If the hero is well built, then a small scratch in his arms will be appreciated.

Rule No. 3: The Hero should possess the power of Professor Charles Xavier of X-Men, should control others brain. This power is much required to actually turn all the hostile rowdies to be a loyal servant of the hero by delivering a small dialogue. This power is also required to turn terrorists into a patriot of the enemy country.

Rule No. 4: The Hero will meet the heroine for the first time in his life in his 30th age and then onwards, he will meet her daily and mainly accidentally. Not more than the 2nd or 3rd meet should the hero or heroine should go to the wild imaginations in the name of a song.

Rule No. 5: The Heroine should not only be very beautiful and... and... super figureu.... but also, should be the most innocent girl. But being innocent has nothing to do with the dress she wears, okay? No matter how much glamor she shows in her dress, she should be innocent and caring towards blind, children and old-people. Mainly, when she shows her caring, the hero should accidentally see her. It would also do great if she feeds ants, dogs, pigs, etc.

Rule No. 6: In the latest trend, the Hero should be able to dislocate parts of automobile vehicles during fight. And not to mention, if the hero takes parts of the vehicles, the vehicle should keep moving and they should not interrupt the fight. If you want to be a step ahead, you can also think of jumping and taking some parts of a flight. You will be appreciated.

Rule No 7: The most powerful, immortal, Xavier hero should be accompanied by the most coward timid friend and his only duty is to try to make jokes. But when the fight comes, he will get the least powerful of the rowdies and knock them down with some very-hilarious fight movements.

Rule No. 8: When a shocking news is delivered, all the characters available on the screen should turn toward the camera and show their surprise in a queue. And when the show their surprise, a thrill music should be played; for everyone. And only after everyone has showed their acting talent, should the actual news is to be continued.

Rule No. 9: The Heroine, no matter, how good she is, should never have seen any guy in her life. The first character she sees should be the hero. No one ever should have proposed her or even thought about her.

Rule No. 10: No matter how innocent she is shown, during songs, she should wear the least possible dress, be it in desert or be it in a sea-shore. And, she should run and hug and do whatever she wants to the hero and the hero will not even indulge in any such activity. He will be a gentle man, a true gentle man. And also, even if the innocent heroine is imagining a song, the above said rule is still valid and the once the song is over, she will once again become innocent.

Bonus Rule for those striving to stick to logic: If you want to answer the question: "but from where does the music come from during songs which are not imaginations?" you can give the hero a Guitar or Violin or simply a Clay-Pot. He will just fiddle that instrument to produce an orchestra effect.

Bonus Rule for those who want to follow Vikraman: <you can easily guess that> There should be one song in which the hero will become a multi-millionaire from a beggar, no matter what business he chooses. Also, there should be a theme music (mainly from a group of junk background chorus singers saying: lalalalalala) that should be played throughout the movie.

That is all for now. Stay tuned and I will give you tips for becoming a mega-serial director. You can give your tips also here.


Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha ... very interesting! Had a good laugh! :)

Natarajan said...

Rule no 6 and 7 its really appreciable. that is the way the film industry going on makes fun while i was reading.i laughed two times as i imagined the hero does that job of rule 6 and 7.

Natarajan said...

it really makes the fun..this is what going on in tamil industry.i liked the rule 6 and 7 because while i was reading itself got laughed ..i like ur blogs ...keep it up...

Dobby Severus Salazar said...

when you say about all these good things you forgot one greatest thing..... villains..... i guess they are even more interesting to write about... what do you say?

Gawaskar said...

a very good entertainer ...

Anonymous said...

i will prove you wrong and will break these rules in my first movie

Amudhan said...

@Anonymous1: Thanks! :)

@Natrajan: Thank you so much :)

@Prabakar: It will come in the future, but I can't promise

@Gawaskar: Thanks! :)

@Anonymous2: I am writing this comment mainly for you. If you are going to break these rules, I would be very happy and that is what I want. When you make your first movie, please do let me know. It would be pleasure to watch such movies. Thanks for leaving a comment.

Unknown said...

Mudiyala..Simply superb..We just laughed like anything though..Have never enjoyed reading a blog like this...

Amudhan said...

Thank you so much! :) This is one of the posts I enjoyed writing ;)

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