Saturday, February 14, 2009

The Power of 50 Paisa

[Some of the content in this post is not appropriate for all audience, as it contains some suggestive material. Readers' discretion is required.]

I think I can start a separate blog for my travel experience; don't think that it would be about tourist spots and my holiday plans; it is about how horrible traveling has become today and the various aspects of traveling.

Let me tell you one of the various aspects. It is the 50 paisa the bus conductors never give back. It happens in Tamil Nadu, India. If the ticket costs X rupees 50 paisa, then it could very well be considered as Y rupees, where Y = X + 1. It is almost always the case. The only way you can get that 50 paisa, is to give a 50 paisa and get one rupees instead.

In my personal experience, it has happened many a times. Very very rarely a few conductors give back to money, but rest of the time, it is impossible. If you ask that 50 paisa change, they would get furious as though we asked a night-out with their wife. Their attitude gets very bad even if you ask for the first time.

You wont believe me, but this happened to me. Once, when I had to get one rupee as remaining, the bus conductor gave me 50 paisa. It really happened to me. If I had to get 50 paisa, he would not have given that :) I didn't ask for another 50 paisa as I thought I can use that 50 paisa somewhere else to save someother time.

The reason I don't ask remaining money is because of some other experience. Once, when I was in a bus, a passenger had to get .5 rupee as balance. As usual, the conductor didn't give that money back. But the passenger was a tough guy (mentally, not physically). He kept asking for the balance and the conductor kept saying he would give it later. Both of them got furious and there was almost a fight.

The driver stopped the bus and they both started shouting at that guy. So, he had to get down. Of course, when he left, he said something like, *I would consider that I had given you that 50 paisa for * [I would say it was because he was furious and went to Level II. Had that guy been in Level I, he might have stopped with the wife :). A sheer observation of public and sometimes myself, gave this knowledge. There is a Level III which is very rare to see or to get, which I wont discuss here].

There are two things that could be done. They are:
  1. The government has to change all the ticket price to be of a integer (no decimal parts). If government does that, I am sure its revenue could increase in crores per week.
  2. If someone is denied a 50 paisa, they can watch for others and ask them to give 50 paisa less. An understanding that people has to have, but very hard to achieve that.

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Brainy Friend - Part I - Prologue

[Disclaimer: I am planning to write a completely imaginary story. It may end up un-proceeded like this one. Let me try to complete it. All characters are completely imaginary and all the things explained are completely imaginary. Don't try things that come in this story in your home :)]

Lets jump into the story... The name of the hero of our story is Satesh. The story goes like this...

Despite being a software engineer, Satesh had a great interest in Siddha, Ayurveda, Unani and other natural therapies. He is not as expertised in these therapies as his software skills. Whenever he gets free time, he would Yahoo! it and study and learn about these things. Since he lives in a completely disciplined way, he needed only five hours of sleep. So, rest of the time he was not doing office work, he would do research.

Though he was more intelligent than most of the intelligent people in the world, he had always been greedy to become more and more intelligent. So, he started a new project called 'Brainy' in his Mac laptop. The purpose of the project was to find a new potion that would increase the intellectual capacity of his brain to an extraordinary limits.

So, in a brute force way, he just started adding all the herbs and things that are known to increase the brain power. Some of the ingredients include Centella asiatica, Ash friut, Arokya 4.5 milk, Tata salt and other 100 ingredients whose name we cant pronounce. He processed them at his intuition and prepared the potion after 8 days.

The potion had turned into a fluorescent green and was stinking like, you know that. Somehow Satesh felt that he had created the potion correctly but the look and smell offended him. He could not throw it away; after all, he had come up with a tumbler of potion from 100 kgs of ingredients. Not knowing what to do, and not willing to discuss this with his friends as they may make fun of him, he decided to go for lots. If YES comes, he would drink it and if NO comes, he would try to go for the lots again :)

He tried 99 times and only NO came. Tired of this, he thought, if the 100th time also NO comes, he would give up his idea. So, he put the lots and picked it up and read it. It was NO again. Then he came to know that, he would anyhow drink it, and, without any thinking, in a fraction of a second, he gulped half of the potion. Despite the look and the smell, the potion tasted like elixir.

For the first few minutes there was no reaction. He tried to do complex arithmetic in his mind but could not do any faster. He tried to solve hard Sodoku and he could solve it only in 45 seconds as his usual record. When, he was thinking that the entire experiment was a crap, suddenly, he felt an unexplainable feeling in his body.

Was it pain? Was it pleasure? Was it nice? After all, it was unexplainable. [But I know how it felt... it felt as though 100s of ants had appeared inside his body and was happily wandering on his skin from inside his body] He could not even shout for help and he was in his room alone. When he thought, he is going to die the next second, he heard a voice, "Hello Satesh...". A voice he had never heard before... Even before he could recognize the voice, he fainted and fell heavily on the floor.

To be continued...

Click here for the next part.


[P.S.: I am sorry, if my story has some influence of the great story teller Vijay. After all, I am his fan and I don't feel shame if this has some influence of his stories]

Monday, December 29, 2008

Special Post!

Dear friends, this post is a special one! This is my 50th and as well as my 100th post. 'But how could the same post could be both 50th and 100th?' could be your question. This is the 50th post in this blog, amudhans and this is the 100th post when I put all my 3 active blogs (amudhans, AmusMovieReviews, and AmusFavouriteDialogues). So, I would like to use this post as a flashback and a little history and geography of my experience of blogging. (It would be like a documentary blog... very un-interesting...)

First of all, I sincerely thank each and every one of you who read my blogs (hehe... I know that there are hardly ten of you who read my blogs because I am your friend and not because it is interesting). If it is not for you guys, I would not have written these many posts. So, please accept my gratitude!

First when I started to blog, I didn't know what it was and I had no idea about it. So, I wrote this junk and I forgot about it. Later, my friend Anu asked me why I am not writing anything. She had come to know about my blog from my close friend Shriman. When she asked, I didn't remember my credentials and I didn't even know my blog address. Luckily, by that time, Blogger.com had enabled logging into it with gmail credentials (otherwise, I wouldn't have been able to continue with this address).

So, I thank Shri and Anu to have given me a start. After that I started writing. I thought of writing about the games I play; then the books I read; then the movies I watch. I have to admit that, blogging has really made me to read more books. At least to blog about, I used to read more novels. After that the perception of blogging changed and I strated to write my karuththus (opinions\advices) with a cheap tag *Karuththu Kandasamy*. I didn't know about labels and so I used a tag in the headings.

Then one more perception came into my mind, things which are neither opinions nor advices nor movies\games\books. So, I named them with another junk tag called *Mokka Muthusamy*. Then another category called *Idea Aiyasamy*. By that time, I created a blog specifically for movies. Later for my favourite dialogues. Of course, throughout the time, the one or two comments from my friends kept my spirits alive.

I had an opinion that only if someone comments about a post, it is good; otherwise, it is bad. Earlier, if I don't get any comments, my spirits would go low. I used to feel that it is waste to write anything new. Then I realized that my opinion is wrong (and that no matter what, my posts are bad :)) and started to digest the fact and continue writing and here I am now!

I want to use this post to thank my friend Prabakar who used to comment for almost all my posts; even if it is extremely junk he would write a one-word (not the four letter word :)) comment for my posts. Sometimes, I had even felt that I was writing a blog only for him. I would also like to thank all those who had taken time to comment to my blog (some of them includes: Vijay, Sakthi, Natraj, Vijesh, Sathyan, Shan, Raghu, and Gawaskar)

I would like to mention my most favourite posts of the blogs I read:
I would also like to mention about the posts I enjoyed writing:
I am sorry to have written such a lenghty post. Once again, I thank each and everyone of you who has read at least one of my posts. See you in my next post!

Friday, November 28, 2008

Trendy Vs Traditional - Part I

[Disclaimer I: The Disclaimer I of this post holds very true to this post also]
[Disclaimer II: This post is intended only to discuss about Mouse, the gadget which we use with our computers. If the post seems to have a double meaning, it is entirely\completely because of the reader's perception and that is not what I intended. Having made sure that it does NOT have a double meaning, let me jump to the blog]

Recently, I had to buy a mouse. So, I went to a shop to look for a mouse. There were so many types and so many variteties of mice available. I had an option of choosing a trendy mouse, a semi-trendy mouse and a completely traditional looking mouse. I chose the trendy mouse.

It looked so nice, so beautiful, so slim with nice curves and seemed to be a little costly, but affordable. Thinking that, it would be great to have such a trendy mouse, I bought that. When others see that, they will definitely be envy on me. I would also feel great to hang out with such a cute mouse. Everything was okay, but...

It was hard maintaining it. First few hours was okay, but after that, I could not stand the pain. Just because I had been proud and showing that to everyone, I have to have that for ever, otherwise, those guys would surely make fun of me. The mouse which I use in my office is very traditional. It looks big, fat, bulged, etc. The first time, when I saw that, I thought, "What a distasteful guy, who bought this mouse"

Though the looks were not so great, it was so comfortable, so pleasing to use that mouse. I didn't realize the value of the completely traditional mouse, till I bought a trendy one. Now that I have learnt a lesson. Looks is not always important, when comparing to the comfort and convenience and peace.

But there is another choice, if looks seems to be the highest priority and comfort could be a little compromised. For that, we can go for semi-tredy-semi-traditional mouse. Its look will not be so great as trendy ones, but with less uncomfortable feeling. So, which one you choose, is completely upto you.

Be it mouse, or whatever, when you are going to spend more time with it, it is better to think twice before choosing a flashy, trendy ones, just for the looks. Consider comfort, peace, dignity, maintenance, etc. also, is what the tiny mouse taught me.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Puzzling PJ - Train Puzzle

When I was a small kid (which is only a few years ago), I would be too much interested in solving puzzles. My dad had invested a lot of his money for the puzzle books and almost 95% of the money was like it was invested in a share market. I didn't use many of the books.

But one of the earliest puzzles I was asked from a book is: *Suppose if A has a watch which is 10 minutes slower and B has a watch which is 10 minutes faster and if A thinks that his watch is 10 minutes faster and B thinks that his watch is 10 minutes slower, who would miss the train they have to catch?*

What is the answer? Have you found out the right answer? Yes, B would catch the train and A would miss the train, according to the puzzle. But now, if someone asks the same question to me, I would say, *Both would catch the train, as anyhow, the train would come 1 hours 30 minutes late on an average*. Almost everyone of my travel expereince could be written as a blog. Travelling is always a pain, giving so much of frustrating experience.

Every time the notorious Yashvandhpur Express (Bangalore to Chennai) would always come at 12:30 to 1:30 when it is supposed to come at 11:30. Surprisingly, last time when I and my friend were waiting for that, it came at 11:35. But the arrival of the train has satisfied its purpose, that is to disappoint us, because, just 5 minutes before 11:30, 3 girls (and one of them was pretty good) came and stood in front of us and the bloody train just came almost on time.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Confirm Before You Communicate - Part I

It has been a long time since I met you guys through my blog. This post is about a few of my experiences, that have the potential of being lifelessons. The lesson is, confirm the other party when you are talking over phone or IM before you make funny comments or sarcastic remarks or harsh statements.

The first time when I wanted to shift my company, I have uploaded my resume in Monsters.com and I had got a call from a consultant about a company called Portware and I said okay to attend a telephonic interview. I attended it and I didn't do badly. Shortly after some time, I got another call. The other person told, she was the HR consultant and I I interpretted, out of excitement that, she was the consultant of the job consultency company and she was going to tell about future interviews.

She asked me how did I do my interview and I told I did well. I confirmed that she was just the job consultant. She then asked me to tell about myself. I got offended, 'why does she want to ask these questions?' and I answered insincerely (or sarcastically). I had been laughing when I was answering, happy about how funny I was to answer like that. She asked, "Are you laughing out there?" and I said, "Yes... it makes me laugh to tell about myself to others"; or something like that. The advantage about that is, I had been completely honest in answering the question and I didn't bother to answer ideal or standard answers.

The call went for more than the time a job consultant would prolong.  I started to get greatly annoyed and a little scared. Due to low battery, I asked her to call me to my second phone. After I cut the call, I realized that I had been talking to the HR consultant and not the job consultant. What kind of a fool I should have been? 

That is one of the incidences... I have more incidences that were more deadly. Even now, I haven't fully learnt the lesson. But believe me, no matter how good or great you are technically or personally, it only takes seconds to break the image and ditch you in a deep pit of shit. Though it is better if you don't use such remarks or comments, if you want to use it for fun, make sure you are talking\chatting to the right person.

P.S.: If at all you are curious, I got the offer from the company. You can share your experiences if you had any. If it is too dificult to write a comment, at least please vote for the poll in the right side of your brower window.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Chrome - does not get any crown from me!

I was wondering why Google would do this. I thought Google and Mozilla are friends and Google wouldn't develope a browser. Lets not worry about their business relationship. But my loyalty towards Google has tremendously reduced for my own business reasons :). So, let me tell you first why Chrome sucks. 

  1. It is very user unfriendly, in my opinion. No Menu Bars, meaning, less use friendliness.
  2. When you close with multiple tabs, it wont warn you. There is no where you can configure it to ask you a warning question.
  3. Even if a download is going on, it will happily cancel the download. [actually this is what made me to write this post. I was downloading a file for more than 35 minutes and I accidentally closed Chrome and it cancelled the download. Bull shit.]
  4. There is no Google Search Bar. Actually if you type anything in the address bar, if it is not a valid url, it will do a Google search. I didn't know this for some time.
  5. No addons or plugins.
But I also have to tell the cool things about this Chrome.
  1. It loads very faster. It is very thin. If you want to open a browser the next second you click the icon, Chrome is your toy.
  2. The progress of page loading looks cool. The overall GUI is very cool.
  3. It has in built download manager I think so. Downloads are done pretty fast.
  4. It is a product of Google.
  5. Instead of boring useless about:blank page, it shows thumbnails of recently visitated pages.
  6. It is very small in size and easy to download.
That is it. Your views are most welcome.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The Rise And Fall Of A Love - A Truly Imaginary Story!

I can never forget that day. It is the day I felt that darkness will prevail in my entire future. It is that day I felt like a part of my heart is ripped off. It is that day I felt excruciating pain without even being touched by anyone or being beaten by a broom. I was not poisoned but I felt my vision was blurring and I was going to die.

But, nothing happened. She left me without any reason. How could she even do such things like that. Before she left, she could have killed me. That would have made things easier for me. But our love is true. I will never doubt that. After the day she left me, she told me what happened to her through... I don't know... how will you call that... did I dream it? or did she tell that through what you call telepathy?

I don't want to investigate further. It was a dream or telepathy. I got answers... that too from her. I felt like, I saw her in real. I still could feel the depth of melancholy that was present in her tears when she told me. May be it is real. Or may be it is a dream. She told that, out of a sudden she was pushed into a complete darkness, and she couldn't realize what happened and the next day, she was in some other place. Who could have kidnapped her? Or she is dead and this was just a dream?

Whatever it may be, she did not leave me. She did not betray me. She was still in love with me. And I am sure, if she is still alive, she would be thinking only about me. Just imagine how horrible it would be for her... to be blindfolded and be kidnapped by some ruthless humans. She told me about how she really felt when that incident happened. I pray God that it should not happen to anyone. Not at least those who are being loved to the deepest possible level.

Why do I have to remember that day today? I wanted to forget that day for an year. Now, today, I am made to remember that day because I am forced into the same situation. Suddenly the day became dark and I am completely wrapped. Bull Shit. It should be again the merciless humans. I don't know who gave the humans the rights to kidnap and transfer innocent, harmless, cockroaches like me? God curse them!

PS: I wrote the story on behalf of the cockroaches which are being packed when we shift the house. One of my friends, went to Korea and when he had unpacked, a cockroach had run out of his suitcase. It was funny to hear.

APS: Recently, we shifted the house. And I was sure, we would have packed several cockroaches with our packages. When we were packing, I drafted this story. I know... I know... it is the junkest of all the blogs you would have ever read. But I just wanted to write stories like my room mate, Vijay, which I know is very tough. By the way, it is him who had kidnapped the cockroach to Korea :)

YAPS: To know how much I hate cockroaches, please click here. Since I was portraying a cockroach I talked about being beaten by a broom or being poisoned in the first paragraph. Don't know how many felt bizarre about those sentences. Also, APS = Another PS and YAPS = Yet APS.

Friday, August 22, 2008

An Interview With A Mega-Serial Director - Mr. TheruChelvam

Click here to read the prequel of this blog and if you are then still alive, continue reading this. Well I don't see mega mokkais a lot. But I have been in my house for a week and so happened to see those shits and they triggered me to write this shit, sorry, blog.

[Disclaimer: This post has some contents that is not suitable for everyone. Viewers' discretion is required. Also, this is just for fun and not to hurt anyone. If it is okay, the go ahead, otherwise, click here.]

Though I really wanted to write like the previous blog, as point by point tips to become a mega serial director, I am so much pissed off by the mega serial called "Kolangal" (Rangoli, it means) which is being cast for some years. Suddenly an idea triggered in my mind as to write a blog which will portrait an interview with the director of the serial. Please imagine that I am interviewing the director Mr. TheruChelvan.

I: "Mr. Therushelvam, what is the current situation in your shit called 'Kevalangal'... sorry... 'Kolangal'"?
B. Guy: "Aadi is trying to kill Abi as she is growing in her status"
I: "Well what was the situation a 6 months back?"
B. Guy: "Well, Aadi was trying to kill Abi as she was growing in her status"
I: "Sir, I asked a different question"
B. Guy: "You didn't note that the 'is' became 'was'"?
I: "Sorry Mr. Theru, next question, what was the situation an year back?"
B. Guy: "hmm... Aadi was trying to kill Abi as she was growing in her status"
I: "Oh my God... What was the situation when it was started?"
B. Guy: "hmmm.... oh.... I forgot"
I: "Let me tell you, Aadi was trying to kill Abi as she was growing in her status."
B. Guy: "Wow... you should be my fan..."
I: "(in a low voice) 'Idhukku nee enna keta vaarthai kondiye thiti irukalam...' huhum... next question. Have you seen your face in the mirror ever before?"
B. Guy: "Excuse me???"
I: "No Mr. Theru, when I was 5 years younger and when your serial started, you were loved by Abi's friend, after that, you had a woman in your house who desperately loved you, then even Abi had a crush, then her sister, then a beautiful girl was introduced and she loved you, then a girl from Cylone who was a terrorist liked you... in the very little time I happened to see your serial due to my bad time, I came over so many situation as to all the girls have a crush on you. Why?"
B. Guy: "Don't you know, why?"
I: "Because you are the director?"
B. Guy: "(Shocked and sweating) No... no... the story needed that"
I: "How come the story needs you to have so many crushes even if that remains a constant?"
B. Guy: "Sorry??? Come again..."
I: "Leave it... next question, I have noted that when 2 character talk to each other, they never see each other. They don't even see the camera. They talk to each other by looking at a different angle, person or object. Why is that? Are all the character blind when they talk"
B. Guy: "Show me one mega serial in which characters talk to each other by seeing each other!"
I: "You win. It is the fate of the viewers. Let me go the next question,

I: "Thank God your name is Tholgapiyan in this shit... had it been Ponniyinselvan or something, your serial might have got an A rating"
B. Guy: "Why are you saying that?"
I: "I knew you wont understand. If you had had that much brain in your head, you should have finished the serial a decade back"
B. Guy: "..."
I: "Leave it... next question, in the very less times I had seen your serial, 100s of attempts were made to kill Abi by minister, rowdies, professional killers, police, etc (sorry if there are a lot of tautologies here) but none of them succeeded. Is it because, Abi is a Goddess or the rowdies and others are lame or the people who watch are fools in your opinion? But I think the first option is obviously wrong and the second option should also be wrong as they are showed killing others easily and we are left with only one option. What is your views"
B. Guy: "hmm... could you repeat the question?"
I: "(thinking) 'Go fuck yourself'... Leave it... let me go the next question, You have brought back a character called 'Karthik' who was Abi's sister's lover. A few years back when I saw him, he was mental patient... but I was shocked to see him 2 days back in a nice coat suite... You can say he is a software engineer or he has got a distant relative in Mysore, but, my question is, why is he struggling to talk in Tamil? Also, does he have any problem with his tongue? or Neck? I didn't understand what he talks for most of the time"
B. Guy: "I can't do anything if you don't know Americal English accent"
I: "Oh... I am sorry... my bad... please put in text in the bottom of the screen that 'Mr. Karthik is now talking english in American accent. Don't pity him thinking that he has got sprain in his tongue'. That will help innocent people like me. Well, that has also answered my other question. The latest villainess also has trouble in speaking... but now I realize that is also American engleepish... next question, for about centuries, Aadhi was showed as the main villain, but now, a new character was introduced and she happens to be looking very good and wears glamorous dresses, is portrayed as the top priority villain. What made you change this?"
B. Guy: "Well... haam... what can I say??? hmm.... for one reason, the serial should prolong till eternity..."
I: "That we know by the nature... answer my question"
B. Guy: "hmm... you can have like she satisfies me with her hard work"
I: "You bloody son of a bitch... this is the interview seen by 1000s of families and you are blatantly talking like this... You..."
B. Guy: "No... no... I said she acts well... no... no..."

And all cameramen and others come and stop me from hitting him and the interview is over in the middle. So, if possible, if the people who see half of the interview want the other half also, the rest of the interview will be taken.

[The director is nicknamed as B. Guy meaning Brilliant Guy and not anything else, anything bad.]

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Advices for Stock Market

[Click here to read my first post on Stock Market. The disclaimer of that post still holds good except for that fact that I have got better, meaning, seen a lot more losses. You may also click here and here and here to see my previous posts about share markets.]

During my earlier life in software industry, I was annoyed and confused to see that, in the TV in the cafeteria\breakout area, almost always news channels will be kept. I even remember a manager who uses to change the music channel to news channel even if everyone is watching the TV interestingly. That time, I didn't know why one would always watch the news channels. Later I got to know that a lot of people are looking for the market advice and the price list that is shown in the news channel.

If you listen to the advices they give in those channels, it will be humorous. Suppose if a stock price of a company increased by Rs. 10 the previous day, then in all the channels, guys sitting with power suit and power tie will tell, "The share of this company X is increasing. There is a strong support for this company. The price of its stock will go +50 rupees in one week and it will become +100 or +150 in another 3 months".

If the next day, the same stock price has decreased, they would advice, "Sell the stock immediately. A lot of negative things are reported. Bla Bla Bla.". Sometimes, in two different channels, two guys (again, in power suit... they think they are the most intelligent guys in the world. Bull Shit.) will give exactly the opposite advice. One guy would say, "Immediately buy this stock and it would go +50 rupees" and the other would say, "Close all your position. Do strong short selling" for the same company.

Why do we need to listen to those guys? Even a child could give such advices. If a stock increases, advice others to buy it and if it decreases, advice people to sell it. Nonsense. Why didn't those so-called market analyst guys tell people that the market would fall heavily before it fell on January 16 to 22 2008? They will say, this was not foreseen by anyone. If those guys can only tell things which everyone knows, why should we even listen to them?

It is also very true that, if someone has bought a share, they can boldly appear in TV and say that this share would increase like hell. After everyone buys the share, he can easily sell that for profit and go to other company share to play with. They need not do this for all the shares they play with. They can tell genuinely (there is nothing genuine here. Everything is an bullshit, but here, it means, what they genuinely think will happen) for 8 cases and they can use people as a scapegoat for 2 cases.

So, the best advice what I can give is, don't listen to advices and invest blindly to the companies which you don't know about. If you want to invest in a company, pray to god and do that :) as no factor could help you do the right thing, absolutely no factors like, charts, history, news, records, etc. will guide you do the right thing always.

Stay tuned for more blogs about share market, commodity market, and other live examples of how market could screw you completely. Please share your views and comments about share market and about this post.

Monday, July 21, 2008

Caution - Some tips for avoiding to become a Jackass!

[Disclaimer: This blog is not for readers who are less than eighteen years old or readers who easily get offended. Readers discretion is required.]

I didn't know that Bangalore is notorious for petrol thieves. Almost everyone in the petrol bunk is a trained professional thief and they act in a good team work. One day I went to the petrol bunk and asked the attender to fill petrol for Rs. 200. The innocent looking guy filled petrol for Rs. 50. I said, "I said Rs. 200". He apologized me and started to fill the petrol. Immediately another guy just came and asked me, "Sir, card or cash". I said, "Cash". He asked, "You don't have card, Sir?". I said no.

I was a little shocked to see the petrol was filled for Rs. 150. I had a small doubt whether the innocent guy had started from 0 or from the 50 itself. Wondering about this, I left the bunk. Later, when I told my friends about this, they said, it is the custom of almost every attender in Bangalore to divert attention and fill only for less money. I felt like I was a jackass and was very angry on those bastards.

Then, later on, I used to be very alert when I go to petrol bunk. I had seen many times, attempt being made to fill for only Rs. 50 even if I had said Rs. 200. I used to say aloud, "I said Rs. 200" even before they start filling it avoid becoming a jackass. I used to think that I had become a brilliant guy after one experience.

It is always true that thieves are a step ahead than the police in techniques. Recently, it got proved. I went to a petrol bunk, asked the bastard to fill for Rs. 200. I carefully watched him entering 200 and starting from 0. When he was filling my bike's petrol tank, another guy came and asked "Sir, cash or card", even though I was having Rs. 200 in my hands (after the first incidence, I used to take out the cash and show them and say aloud, "Fill for Rs. X"). I said, "Cash".

Something inside my mind told that, I am being made a bloody fool. When I turned and saw the filling bastard from the speaking bastard, in a split second, my subconscious mind had seen the filling bastard entering 200 in the machine. I could not ask whether he had really filled for Rs. 200, or simply, in the middle, typed 200 in the machine. But I knew, I was fooled and later proved due to the reduced mileage.

No matter how much we are aware, those sons of bitches know how to fool us. I had decided to first pay the money and then NEVER to look aside when the petrol is being filled, no matter how gorgeous a girl comes and stands in the nearby queue. I don't know, they may have another counter for this. But, whenever you go to petrol bunk, make sure, you are not made a jackass!

What you can do is:

  1. Tell them aloud, how much you want to fill for.
  2. Give the money immediately, even before they start to fill.
  3. Check for the amount he enters (If that is less, you are in the process of becoming a jackass. Stop immediately and refuse to become one)\
  4. Never ever look somewhere else (if there is a gorgeous girl out there, you can wait for 30-45 seconds)
  5. If they call "Sir?", just say to yourself, "You bloody bastard, I am aware of you." and never listen to him till the petrol is filled. (If you don't speak bad words, you can replace that b-word with thief, but never turn around)
  6. If still somehow, they cheat you, Welcome to the Club!
[P.S.: First I thought to name my blog, "Caution: There are bastards around there!", but later decided not to use that as a title, but somewhere after the Disclaimer]

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Mother's Love Vs Father's Love - Part I

[Disclaimer: I understand that this (mother's love and father's love) is a case by case basis. If either of them is too bad in character (like forcing us to read or compelling us to take tonics or preventing us from playing games during exam times, etc.) we will be biased, that we will not love as much as love the other. But this blog has nothing to do anything like debating which one is a greater love. I believe both the loves. I could not digest the fact that father's love is not so much appreciated.]

I understand that, that is a very sensitive topic. But I had always wondered why, in almost all the poems, only mother's love is praised. Why don't the world talk about father's love? Both of them love us as the other one does and only one of the loves is rejoiced by the world. Why? I don't know...

I just wanted to say one incident. I was waiting in a railway station for my train (when have you waited for the flight to arrive in a railway station, may be your question) at 12 in the night (and that bloody train was supposed to come at 11:15). Everyone was almost as restless as I was, standing in the platform. [The station I was waiting is Krishnarajapuram, Bangalore, in which you can hardly see any good benches to sit and the electronic message display will give very useful information like, "Don't spit on the platform", "Get your platform ticket", "KR Puram Railway Station welcomes You", but no information about which train is going to come in which platform and what is the arrival time of the trains, etc.]

At about 12 everyone lost patience and stood near the tracks longing to see a distant hope of a train coming. Near me was standing a mother carrying her daughter. She was so lean that she was not able to manage the weight of the 5-6 years old child. The father of the child was standing near her with free hands. I got very much irritated. Why in the world he is not carrying the child and let her be free? Is this the reason why mother's love is so much appreciated? Is only a mother could bear any pain to see the child sleeping peacefully? Is really mother's love greater than father's love?

These were the thoughts running in my mind. To my relief, the father asked her to give the child to him. I was so much relieved, but not fully happy as he delayed so much to ask the child. I was somewhat persuaded that father's love also exists in the world. Surprise! The child woke up... started to cry aloud. He tried to persuade the child to sleep. It didn't work. The mother also tried a lot to let the child stop crying. No use. The child wanted the shoulders of the mother to sleep. The dejected father gave the child back to the mother. [And to make it dramatic, you can imagine like, one more young, handsome, brilliant, cool, etc. :) guy comes and stands near them after this incident... in some time, he gives the father with a contempt look.]

So, I consoled myself that, right from the birth, there is a bias for the children towards mother. Fathers have nothing to do with it. Even if they love their children, God has so programmed that, to prove a father's love, is difficult and needs extra effort. So, both loves exist and it is the part of the children to rejoice both the loves.

[P.S.: The reason why I praise father's love is NOT because it is only my father who is going to read my blogs (and he will get me a new laptop or bike) and not my mother:). The real reason is, check later for the part II of this series]

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

The 3 Mistakes of My Life - One of my mistakes!

[Disclaimer: This blog will be unlike all of my blogs (don't ask, "will this be interesting then?"). If you are not eighteen years old, please don't read. Possibly my first R rated blog because I this is going to be an honest review.]

This is the first book I read from Chetan Bhagat, an author who prefers to be India's most loved author than a most admired author. I accidentally saw this book in Landmark and due to a lot of recommendations about this author, I bought this book. I have to admit that I started with a prejudice that "this book will suck my big time!".

The way the book started was too astonishing. I even had goosebumps when I read the first few pages. After some time, the real story started, it started to suck! I tried it so hard to finish the book. Few reasons why my prejudice became a strong bias (that this book sucks) is, the author wants to sound so casual and realistic.

Every now and then he used to say like, "he took one more kaara", "he had another fanta", "he took another ****", "and he ordered one more samosa"... what the fuck??? It should have been occurring once or twice and not every time when people talk. And very often, when a conversation is going on, commenting about the taste of what they are eating is also irritating after a bit. And he says like, "his sparkling green eyes..", "her steady brown eyes", etc. Hell man! Thinking that his books should be of international standards, saying the color of everyone's eyes! It was irritating. At least in my opinion 99.99% of Indians' eyes are black.

These kind of things may be admired or loved by some people who takes fashion in saying "well... the book is cool". But there are terrible logical mistakes too, which will make you go back a few pages and confirm that the author has sucked and not your memory. In one page he says like, it is someone's birthday and the twin tower attack happens on that day and in few pages after that it is said that her birthday is on November 19th. Changing history, huh?

And also, he says like he got mail from Ahd_businessman@gmail.com. The thing is, gmail does not allow '_' in the user name. If he wanted to mask the mail id, simply put XXX@gmail.com or try to spend some five minutes to check it is legal or not. But an author who thinks he is admired and he prefer to be loved should take care of all minute details, shouldn't he?

Also, just because he describes a sex scene for two to three pages, this junk would not become an international standard book (come on... don't jump and say, 'it is not mere sex you idiot, it is love'... bullshit!). The so-called-so-desperately-wanted-to-be-called romance aspect of this book is stupid. You could predict what will happen between the two.

The moment he says, 'she had coconut oil bottle' we could guess, she is going to ask him to apply it and the touch will make his heart beat faster. The moment he says there is a good book-stall, we could guess she is going to ask him to get her also along with him and some more so-called romantic conversation would happen between them. There was no base for their love and everything. Deliberately and desperately pushed in or missed out something important.

The climax sucked the greatest and the third mistake! It was like a junk Tamil-Movie climax. He had coached a boy in cricket, and so, he uses that skill to escape a mob of blood-thirst-people. Bull shit! Also, the hero men kill people and there are witnesses and nothing happens to them. They kill one of a political small-group-leader and nothing happens to them. WTF???

If you are a hard core fan of Chetan Bhagat and want to say, "I have completed all his books", go ahead and read it. It is not so junk that you cant complete. If you bear with some annoying things, you could finish this book. But other than that, I can find no reason why I would recommend this to anyone.

[P.S. You may ask, why in the hell you investigate so much in finding the mistakes? why don't you simply read and throw it away? The answer is, well, I am finding it difficult to get a topic to blog about. Also, this is not so great a book that everyone has to read it and I don't think if any praise it gets is deserved by it.]

Friday, May 30, 2008

Applicaiton Of Interest - Google Toolbar

It is a fashion to say "I love Google", "Google is cool", "Microsoft is nothing before Google", etc. Praising Google is one way to show that you are a modern technical savvy. I am no exception for that, but the difference is that, I REALLY love Google :D. The products they offer, their creative thinking, etc. is really awesome.

I have to admit that I am little conservative, in the sense, I would not try new things easily, but once I try them, if they are useful, I would love them (wow... how different am I? :) ). Google tool bar is available for a long time I hope so. But only recently I tried it and believe me, I love it. It has many features like, Google News, Lookup Definition, Spell Check, Gmail*, etc. But the coolest feature is, the Google Bookmark.

If you know what a Bookmark is, please skip to the next paragraph and if you know what a Google Bookmark is skip this post :D. For a very long time, I did not leverage the concept of bookmarks (or Favorites in Internet Explorer browser; yes, I was a conservative). You browse a long time, you google, and find a very useful site or a page which you think will be visited often by you. To avoid re-googling, you could save the site\page in your Bookmark. The next time you want to visit the page, you can simply go to the Bookmark menu item and choose the entry and you could get the page. The limitation of traditional bookmarking facility is that, it will be available only in your computer. Suppose, if you want to use the bookmarks in a different computer? There comes Google Bookmarks.

As you could guess, Google Bookmark is like a universal Bookmark. You have to have an account in Google, which I am 100% sure you already have. So, if you find a very exciting page (like http://amudhans.blogspot.com ;) ), you can immediately bookmark the page in Google Bookmark instead of your PC's Bookmark. So, wherever you go, if you feel boring and want to spend some useful, funny, interesting time, you can access the page and enjoy.

How to use it? In case of IE (Internet Explorer), you have to download the Google tool bar application and install it. In case of Firefox, it is considered as an add-on. In both way, it is fairly simple and easy to install and use. It also supports managing the bookmarks in folders. Try it, and let me know your comments! Click here to install the Google Toolbar.

Google Toolbar in action:


[P.S.: The example I said above is completely non-sense, I know. You will never need Google Bookmark to remember such a lovely site like http://amudhans.blogspot.com :D ]

Friday, April 25, 2008

Drunken Monkey - Part I

When I typed *Part I* in the title, I myself got angry on me. I said, I would continue the Tale Of Two Friends but I couldn't for some good reasons. Likewise, i say in many of my blogs that I would talk more about the topic, but I never did. Sorry for this. Let me try to keep up with my wishes. Lets dive into the blog.

Well, I am not saying drunken people are monkeys, if I would say that, then it would directly affect most of my closest friends (and who knows, in future, it may even refer to me ;) ). It is the name of a Jackie Chan's movie. But this post is about people whom I think are monkeys or even worse, when they behave in a disgusting manner.

Worrying about various things, I got into KPN bus, so sophisticated and so called A\C Volvo and so much costlier, with the hope that I would have a peaceful sleep. Suddenly a group of young lads (I am quite sure, they are software engineers), who are so desperate to be noticed, got into the bus with much noise. Usually I don't give a shit about those nuisance making non-sense people. But to my best bad luck, one of those monkeys came near my seat and I realized that he is going to sit in my adjacent seat.

Bull shit! he was drunk and it smelled like a septic tank. I got so irritated that I scolded him in my mind (hehe... this time, it would make his uncle's grandmother's brother-in-law's grandmother squirm in their graveyard) and tried to close my eyes and sleep. In a moment, he shouted, "machan! come on da... lets have a fag... otherwise, my mouth will feel itching". What the heck?!? You bloody ******** (whatever you like, you could paste here), I thought.

He is not going to become like a hero if he announces to be a drinker-smoker-****er. If he wanted to smoke, let him smoke and die... If he wanted to drink septic tank, let him go and drink it and die. But why the heck there are people, who take the rights to disturb public? And that too, when they are going to travel in a public transport? I don't understand that. But I learned a lesson that day.

If at all I am going to be a smoker or a drinker, I would make 100% sure that, I wont drink or shout in the public transport to mark my presence (and try to be a hero). It is because, there will be people around, who would scold such people so hard that, his parents, siblings, relatives, grand parents, in-laws, etc would feel very bad if they come to know that they were referred to such bad things because of the mistake they dint do.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Accidents - Unavoidable.

Equipped with Apache, I was driving at 75 kmph in the Electronic City road of Bangalore. No traffic... so no worry. It has disk brake, and decent control at less than 80 kmph. Suddenly, a son-of-a-***** (I hate bad words), out of thin air, came in his bike, crossing the road. I saw him and started to blow horn applying both the brakes. I almost hit him, doing a stunt, but managed not to fall down. Scolding him in mind that would make his grand mother's grand mother's grand father's grand mother squirm in the graveyard, I proceeded.

Had I been driving a little faster, or if I had lost the control, I would not have been in a position to write blogs (in a way to help you people :D ). The worse part is that, I was driving with my close friend. Because of a stupid SOB, my innocent friend could have been a history by this time. The worse part is that, I never used to drive faster. I have already met with accidents twice and so, I use to drive as cautiously as possible. But that day taught me a lesson: No matter what is going to happen if you go a 5 minutes or 10 minutes late, NEVER drive faster.

This could be the most cliched thing one could ever say. But, it is true. One day it will happen for anyone who rides a bike. There is no one I could see, who have not met with an accident, in a two-wheeler (if you jump to say that you have not met, be careful... you could be on the line).
There is nothing in the world which is more important than life (or your limbs). This is my policy: Everyone will meet with an accident (either small or a big or fatal) at least once in the life if they constantly use two-wheelers. We can only pray that, that is not a fatal one.

An accident is not always your mistake, that is why it is called an accident. It could be yours, or the other guy or a dog or a cat or a small stone or a small nail on the road... anything. I use to advice people not to drive faster. That day, I got a mood to drive faster and the God showed me a gate which he later closed it. Actually, I had the idea of writing this blog a long time ago when I advised my friend and he told *Don't I know that? I know da... even if I go at 80 kmph, I know my limit... bla bla bla*.

Do you ever think, of all the millions of people who died of an accident knew that they were gonna die? It happens all of the sudden. At least we should make sure, we are doing our part well. Of course, if a drunken driver, runs his lorry over us when we are walking on the side of the road, that situation is helpless. If you want to say, *Mind your business*, it is okay. At least have the courtesy for your friends or family coming in your vehicle. If you are alone, you have full rights to go at any speed and reach any where (destination or final destination), but if you have someone with you, please be careful.

Also, I am tired of looking at people having the helmet over the petrol tank. What the hell? Why do you people want to protect the petrol tank more than your head? Is it more valuable than your brain? or your lover? or your family? Bull shit. Also, some one would hold the helmet in their hands and drive. I get irritated by looking at them. May be they didn't see the manual of how to use the helmet.

Let me come to the point.
  1. Accidents are unavoidable. No matter how much carefully you go, you are eligible to get a through ticket through accidents. So, do your best to refuse the ticket. Wear Helmet.
  2. If you say, *But, my hair will recede if I wear helmet*, then great... let the world know that you respect your hair more than your life.
  3. If you think, you are the most expert driver in the entire universe, think of this. A simple nail on the road could puncture your tyre that could make you fall down and a simple hit on the head could get you ticket.
  4. If you have someone with you, you have no rights to risk their life. Drive slowly.
  5. If you are the one sitting at the back, you have 100% rights to demand the driver to drive slowly. If he\she does not hear that, you could better get down.
  6. If you think, it is very very rare and that you need not worry, I pity you, as when it is proved wrong in your case, you may not be in a position to re think about that.
  7. If you think that this blog is an utter bull shit, you are probably right as I know no soul in the world would change by reading such things, but I want to have a feeling that I did my part of warning you.
I want the readers of my blogs to come back again and again for that I want them to be alive for that I want to do something for that only I wrote the blog. Now, you can forget whatever you read here and do your routine things :)

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Six Legged Killers - A true incident.

Well, this blog is about a true incidence, which might have resulted in a serious damage to this world, but fortunately, it didn't happen. Could a cockroach kill well-built body-builders? Of course that is possible. Even mosquitoes could kill Achilles in this present world, why not cockroaches?

Make sure, your house is cockroaches-free. You might think that they are not so much of a threat to you or your family members. Let me tell you a story. One night, nature called me so urgently that I had to visit bathroom. It was dark and I was very sleepy. The moment I entered into the bathroom, someone touched my legs and started to move their fingers all over my leg, in a split second.

In utmost fear, yes, I got frightened, I just flailed my leg violently to get the thing off my legs. During the process, I just kicked the wall and got somewhat severely hurt. I just realized that, had the bathroom been wet, I would have got a sure ticket to heaven (he he... let me hope so) by getting slipped.

When I switched on the light to see, the ghost finger which fiddled on my legs, I was relieved to see that it was just a cockroach; no, it was not JUST a cockroach. It was a killer cockroach. It could have ended up killing me. I heard that many old people die in bathroom by slipping there. Who knows? May be a cockroach was the murderer in most of the cases?

So, the moral of the story is: keep your house clean from cockroaches, as a matter of fact, any insects which could do these kind of damage, but I think only cockroaches are active insects in nights; and if that is almost impossible, be ready for anything when you go to bathrooms in night. Keep your heart like a steel or you may end in having a cold heart.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Application of Interest: Avast Anti-Virus

I had a suspicious exe file in my 500 GB external hard disk and there was a strong possibility that it is a virus. The problem with some viruses is that, they could silently plant a lot of virus files throughout the hard disks and the only way by which you could be 100% sure of virus-free hard disk is to format it. Not willing to format as it is having a lot of data, I thought some very powerful anti-virus software could judge whether it is a virus or not.

I asked my friend's help as he is having his office laptop and it has McAfee anti-virus program installed with latest updates (up-to date updates). So, he brought his laptop and we connected my hard disk and scanned my hard disk. McAfee promised us that there are no viruses. Not satisfied, we wanted to scan that particular exe file and still McAfee gave certification that it is a good file.

I just wanted to have some anti-virus installed in my laptop and I downloaded and installed avast anti-virus. It is a freeware (that means, you need not crack or hack to get the full version and you do not need to feel guilty [hehe... who in the world feels guilty for using cracked softwares]) and it is very small in size, about 4 MB. Having installed my own anti-virus, I scanned my external hard disk and was shocked to see, it found a lot of viruses and deleted them, including the suspicious exe file.

So, the conclusion is that, if you do not have any anti-virus software installed, you could try avast anti-virus. Also, I would request you to register with them and get a Home-User registration key, this could help them to know how many registered users are using their product and it could help them advertise and get a better recognition. Avast anti-virus comes in 2 flavours, home-users (free license) and professional version (which is not free). For home users like us, the first version is enough.

Also, avast has some cool features, doing boot-time scan, which would be more effective, in case, some viruses may prevent being detected after they successfully launch them. Also, this does not slow down your system. Just try this, register with them and enjoy safe browsing, yes, it has various agents running which will take care of safe browsing the internet. The moral of the story is that, it is not always true that only paid anti-viruses are the best. Also, one more moral is that, if you are using internet, it is 100% recommended to have an anti-virus installed in your machine.

You could download it here and register it here.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Deadlock - Technico Mokkaiyo Explanation.

[Disclaimer: Weak-hearted people are advised to take medical check-up before reading this. May turn out to be the most horrible experience of your lifetime.]

One advantage of Object Oriented Programming [if you were tempted to say "I don't understand Greek and Latin" please bypass this and the next paragraph] is that, you can compare the software objects with the real world objects (which sometimes screws us in understanding well). Though most of the programming concepts could not be just-like-that-compared with real world concepts, some of them could be. Let me not beat around the bush and let me jump into the matter of interest.

Deadlock, the name itself could make those who prepare for interviews (for the first shift) shiver. The most notorious topic in which Java professionals (and may be others also, but I can not promise) would be tested is *Threads* and the most sadistic questions will come revolving this deadlock. And this is how it mostly goes: "What is a dead lock?" "<our standard answer>" "How could you avoid it?" "<our standard answer" "Suppose, <and the hell starts here>". Or they can take a different approach and ask like: "Explain deadlock as you will explain to a layman" [for this question, many may be tempted to answer like, "why in the f**k should I explain a technical term to a bloody layman", but what we do is "<our standard answer>"]

Suppose, there are two children A and B each one has something which the other one wants. A says: "Give me your helicopter and I will give you this aeroplane". B says: "Never... only if you give me your aeroplane, I will give you my helicopter". What happens here is a deadlock in technical term. Two entities waiting and not proceeding because of a dependency on each other. This could also be a chain, A can only proceed if B gives her something and B can only proceed if C gives him something and C can only proceed if A gives her something.

Also, if there is a fight between two friends and if they both have ego, a good deadlock could happen. Both can think like, "I will only talk to him if he talks to me" and that is all. A complete technical explanation for this topic may come soon. So, stay tuned. Comments are most welcome. But wait. One small karutthu is hidden here. Deadlocks are the most unwanted things ever in a software and as we know, this could also apply to our life. So, avoid deadlocks! [as though everyone is going to hold a white flag in one hand and a white dove in another hand]

[P.S.: The notation "f**k" is not what you think. It was not added to mean anything bad. It is only for fun.]
[A.P.S.: The P.S. and the idea is copied from "Head First Servlets and JSPs from Kathy Sierra" and it is not my own idea. Over.]

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Ten Tips to become a Tamil movie Director

If you ever wanted to become a Tamil movie director, you have to know or learn or digest these tips and follow them strictly.

Rule No. 1: The Hero is immortal. No matter what hits him; even if a truck hits him in 100 kmph or 1000 megavolts electricity is passed into him. Even if he dies, no matter how much time it takes, a doctor has to come and pump his heart to bring him alive. Regarding the electricity, you may also decide to punish the electricity for trying to kill the hero by making the transformer explode.

Rule No. 2: The Hero is the best fighter ever in the world. No matter what his profession is; Software engineer or Beggar or Mechanic or College student. The Hero should be able to knock down any number of professional rowdies. During this process, he may not get more than 2 or 3 hits. In that case, he could only bleed 2 drops of blood from his mouth and his forehead. If the hero is well built, then a small scratch in his arms will be appreciated.

Rule No. 3: The Hero should possess the power of Professor Charles Xavier of X-Men, should control others brain. This power is much required to actually turn all the hostile rowdies to be a loyal servant of the hero by delivering a small dialogue. This power is also required to turn terrorists into a patriot of the enemy country.

Rule No. 4: The Hero will meet the heroine for the first time in his life in his 30th age and then onwards, he will meet her daily and mainly accidentally. Not more than the 2nd or 3rd meet should the hero or heroine should go to the wild imaginations in the name of a song.

Rule No. 5: The Heroine should not only be very beautiful and... and... super figureu.... but also, should be the most innocent girl. But being innocent has nothing to do with the dress she wears, okay? No matter how much glamor she shows in her dress, she should be innocent and caring towards blind, children and old-people. Mainly, when she shows her caring, the hero should accidentally see her. It would also do great if she feeds ants, dogs, pigs, etc.

Rule No. 6: In the latest trend, the Hero should be able to dislocate parts of automobile vehicles during fight. And not to mention, if the hero takes parts of the vehicles, the vehicle should keep moving and they should not interrupt the fight. If you want to be a step ahead, you can also think of jumping and taking some parts of a flight. You will be appreciated.

Rule No 7: The most powerful, immortal, Xavier hero should be accompanied by the most coward timid friend and his only duty is to try to make jokes. But when the fight comes, he will get the least powerful of the rowdies and knock them down with some very-hilarious fight movements.

Rule No. 8: When a shocking news is delivered, all the characters available on the screen should turn toward the camera and show their surprise in a queue. And when the show their surprise, a thrill music should be played; for everyone. And only after everyone has showed their acting talent, should the actual news is to be continued.

Rule No. 9: The Heroine, no matter, how good she is, should never have seen any guy in her life. The first character she sees should be the hero. No one ever should have proposed her or even thought about her.

Rule No. 10: No matter how innocent she is shown, during songs, she should wear the least possible dress, be it in desert or be it in a sea-shore. And, she should run and hug and do whatever she wants to the hero and the hero will not even indulge in any such activity. He will be a gentle man, a true gentle man. And also, even if the innocent heroine is imagining a song, the above said rule is still valid and the once the song is over, she will once again become innocent.

Bonus Rule for those striving to stick to logic: If you want to answer the question: "but from where does the music come from during songs which are not imaginations?" you can give the hero a Guitar or Violin or simply a Clay-Pot. He will just fiddle that instrument to produce an orchestra effect.

Bonus Rule for those who want to follow Vikraman: <you can easily guess that> There should be one song in which the hero will become a multi-millionaire from a beggar, no matter what business he chooses. Also, there should be a theme music (mainly from a group of junk background chorus singers saying: lalalalalala) that should be played throughout the movie.

That is all for now. Stay tuned and I will give you tips for becoming a mega-serial director. You can give your tips also here.