[Description: This post contains very offensive content. If at any point of time you think that you may be offended, you can stop reading this post. I wont want any of my visitors to get offended or hurt. Readers' discretion is required.]
[You can safely skip to the next paragraph to start reading the actual content. I feel disappointed about myself to have broken the self commitment I have made a long time ago, twice within five months in this year... I committed that I would write at least one blog per month and I have failed due to my recent change in my lifestyle. I wish and promise that I will do my best to keep the commitment at least from this month.]
The amount of attention and care my five months old nephew needs has made me to realize that one of the greatest injustices the parents can do to a child is to (first) give birth to it and continue to do their own business (or work). I use to advice my friends that 'after marriage one of the parent should quit their job or business and be a full time parent'. I use to get two kinds of reply. To think much of it, I use to get three kinds of reply.
One of the replies is that, 'Yes da... it should be the case'. It may be a sincere reply or just a reply to escape from my mokka. The second type of reply is that 'Yes, it should be the case, but, what would you do if your wife denies to quit and continue to go to work? Will you quit?'. Not for the sake of 'I am in an argument and I have to do anything to win it', but the honest-at-that-moment reply from me would be 'Yes!'. And this would immediately go to (a more) cliche discussion of 'Then you will have absolutely no respect... bla... bla... bla...'
Coming to think of it, it is a stupid reply. A child needs its mother more than its father, at least for an year. A child should have nothing other than milk for the first six months and it should NOT even have water! In case of summer the child can be fed a little water. And for one year it is recommended to be fed from the mother with other food items also. I am just wondering how mothers get back to work in 3 or 4 months after the maternity leave. As soon as the child wakes up from sleep, it needs its mother. It cries till it sees its mother. What kind of an excuse do working women give to leave their new born child and go to work? Will they tell "Hmm... it is boring to be in house. I want to kill time"? Of course, they wont tell this blatantly and will usually cover this with more appealing logical statements.
The third kind of reply I get is "With the salary from one person, it is tough to raise a family". What a sweet reply! What does it mean to raise a family? To have a wife/husband and a kid (or kids)? The definition of raising a family stops just when the child is born. In my opinion, it should start after the child is born. Both parents leaving at 9 o'clock and coming back by 5 o'clock and then kissing and hugging the new born child seems disgusting, obscene and despicable. It is at least acceptable when the child is grown and is ready to go to school.
If you can't do that due to financial problem, it just means that you are not yet ready to raise a family. A child who spends its time with either of its parents in a 2BHK would have a fulfilling life than a child who scarcely sees its both parent together in a 3BHK. A child who can only afford Maggi noodles often but being with its parent more would have a fulfilling life than a child who can afford Pizza Hut pizza often but not their parents time. If it is the other case, where the child needs more of the goods than its dad and mother then there is a serious problem in bringing up the child, isn't it?
Thinking more in this subject, I think "I am working very hard to give my child a quality life" is either a lie or stupidity. I sometimes wonder whether people have an intrinsic desire for luxurious items for themselves and they just point-finger their child or married life or retired parents... Well... I want to write more on this topic but my quota for one post was over a long back. If time/mood/situation/courage permits, I would continue in this topic.
[You can safely skip to the next paragraph to start reading the actual content. I feel disappointed about myself to have broken the self commitment I have made a long time ago, twice within five months in this year... I committed that I would write at least one blog per month and I have failed due to my recent change in my lifestyle. I wish and promise that I will do my best to keep the commitment at least from this month.]
The amount of attention and care my five months old nephew needs has made me to realize that one of the greatest injustices the parents can do to a child is to (first) give birth to it and continue to do their own business (or work). I use to advice my friends that 'after marriage one of the parent should quit their job or business and be a full time parent'. I use to get two kinds of reply. To think much of it, I use to get three kinds of reply.
One of the replies is that, 'Yes da... it should be the case'. It may be a sincere reply or just a reply to escape from my mokka. The second type of reply is that 'Yes, it should be the case, but, what would you do if your wife denies to quit and continue to go to work? Will you quit?'. Not for the sake of 'I am in an argument and I have to do anything to win it', but the honest-at-that-moment reply from me would be 'Yes!'. And this would immediately go to (a more) cliche discussion of 'Then you will have absolutely no respect... bla... bla... bla...'
Coming to think of it, it is a stupid reply. A child needs its mother more than its father, at least for an year. A child should have nothing other than milk for the first six months and it should NOT even have water! In case of summer the child can be fed a little water. And for one year it is recommended to be fed from the mother with other food items also. I am just wondering how mothers get back to work in 3 or 4 months after the maternity leave. As soon as the child wakes up from sleep, it needs its mother. It cries till it sees its mother. What kind of an excuse do working women give to leave their new born child and go to work? Will they tell "Hmm... it is boring to be in house. I want to kill time"? Of course, they wont tell this blatantly and will usually cover this with more appealing logical statements.
The third kind of reply I get is "With the salary from one person, it is tough to raise a family". What a sweet reply! What does it mean to raise a family? To have a wife/husband and a kid (or kids)? The definition of raising a family stops just when the child is born. In my opinion, it should start after the child is born. Both parents leaving at 9 o'clock and coming back by 5 o'clock and then kissing and hugging the new born child seems disgusting, obscene and despicable. It is at least acceptable when the child is grown and is ready to go to school.
If you can't do that due to financial problem, it just means that you are not yet ready to raise a family. A child who spends its time with either of its parents in a 2BHK would have a fulfilling life than a child who scarcely sees its both parent together in a 3BHK. A child who can only afford Maggi noodles often but being with its parent more would have a fulfilling life than a child who can afford Pizza Hut pizza often but not their parents time. If it is the other case, where the child needs more of the goods than its dad and mother then there is a serious problem in bringing up the child, isn't it?
Thinking more in this subject, I think "I am working very hard to give my child a quality life" is either a lie or stupidity. I sometimes wonder whether people have an intrinsic desire for luxurious items for themselves and they just point-finger their child or married life or retired parents... Well... I want to write more on this topic but my quota for one post was over a long back. If time/mood/situation/courage permits, I would continue in this topic.
6 comments:
realism blatantly put forth.... very well writtne.... even when full time parenting doesn't help(when parents are authoritative) the development of healthy psyche of child sometimes, it is horrible to imagine a psyche development without proper parenting.... hope the people who assume liberating women is nothing but crumpling the psyche of our future generation will understand that liberating women is in education not in employment.
The problem is we are all lacking in love. Earlier generations people used to care for loved ones and strangers alike. Showing hospitality to unknown stranger was treated as the greatest of virtues. Slowly, the hospitality part was let out showing reasons of security to ones belongings, then relatives were let out showing property division as reason, then siblings were let out for nuclear family, parents were sent to oldage home because of friction between one's mother and wife. Now the point is we are leaving the children to care of others/creche so that we can earn more to satisfy our egoes. Even couples are arguing spending time for themselves than being together....Humans are no more social animals, they are isolating from others to spend time with what they acquired.....money,luxury etc. Leaving new borns for work is just one such manifestation!
@Prabakar:
"Full time parenting doesn't help when parents are authoritative" - an excellent point da... Being bad and trying to groom a child is worse than being bad and not caring for the child. Not just authoritative da... bad parenting includes a lot of other things... for example, making the child a miser, cunning, timid, etc. Also, I am not against women in work/business, but I am against mothers leaving their new born child in the hands of someone (even if that someone is her parent or even husband) to go to work/business. It is indeed an injustice!
@Jency:
First of all, ennala mudiyala... unga commenta padiche ennaku pullarichiduchu... unga commentukku reply panradhuke ennaku thagudhi illanu nenaikuren... "Humans are no more social animals, they are isolating from others to spend time with what they acquired... money,luxury etc. Leaving new borns for work is just one such manifestation!" - mudiyala... Thanks for honoring my blog with such a great comment Jency!
@Both geniuses:
I was quite thrilled and excited to see a comment on my blog even before I advertised it in my gmail status message... Thanks for making my day (yesterday)...
It is most needed blog. It is for everybody who enters this world of parenting.
Basically motherhood from girls are fading slowly. It may be gone at one point of time. They want to be independent they made themselves stronger and incourse of becoming independent they became alone; Nenachadha seiyaradhu independence but nenachadhellam seyaradhu ? It is not the meaning of independence plz understand.
It may hurt but it is true. If we don't correct it now it will be impossible to restore our family values. I just say Girls have lot of social responsiblity in raising a child, family and your society. Please understand that as your importance in a family than all work is given to you. I am ready to cook for my wife but feeding to my child is not so ease for me.
Motherhood is not just a word. It is a world of taking care of people around you. Girls were masters in this. There could be 1000 female Models, 100000 female entrepreneur; but I probe will there be another Mother Theresa.
Motherhood is not about just taking care of their children it is about taking care of everyone in the family and society. Caring spouse, children, in-laws everything.
We might have seen in our days of calling other's parents as Amma or Appa as they do treat us as one of their children. But now-a-days we increased the distance between others and us. These kind of distances not only affects there but it will affect everywhere. It is avoidable by building or knitting our relationship with lot of love, affection and belief rather with doubt,insecurities;
Parents whoever sending their kids to creche for taking care of their work please be ready for your old-age home days; If you introduce creche to the children they will learn from you to keepaway you (a trouble) to takecare of their work.
Sending your parent to old-age home
, and your kids to creche then for whom are your building a home. Who stays there? Is it a Cemetery or a home ? You bury yourself in your busy schedule just to buy a 2 or 3 BHK cemetery. Congrats!!!
~Shan
For a small topic it is too long... anyway "Brevity is the soul of wit"...
@Shan:
Thanks a lot for your comment Shan. I have no words to reply to your comment as I am awestruck at your amazing line of thoughts, concerns and feeling... May god bless you!
@Anonymous:
Point noted :) Thanks for your honest comment...
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