Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Surprise! A Quarrel!!

Quarrel, the word (or any word which means the same) I hate most in any language. I am not talking about the quarrel that happens in the road, or in the reality shows or in the assembly :), but the quarrel that happens inside our known-people-circle. I don't mean physical fight, but I mean heated arguments, strong disagreements, questioning and criticizing (known) people.

Things which happened in my life made me think more deeply of the nature of quarrels that happen between friends, siblings, colleagues, relatives, and spouse(s) :). The result of my self realization is that, there are absolutely NO surprises in a quarrel we participate, whether you start or respond to it. What I mean by NO surprises is, we know exactly what is going to happen before accusing or abusing or criticizing our friends. Yet, we go ahead and deliver the dialogue which we have rehearsed in our mind to them.

For example, whenever I am going to accuse my friends for not picking up the mobile when I call or not responding to my chat, I know exactly what they will answer. I also know what should I reply for their reply and so on. But still, I do that and get the temporary pleasure to have succeeded in my act I have rehearsed in my mind. Then later, I will apologize for being rude and everything will suddenly become normal. The thing is, many many people fail to do the last step in this act which slowly builds up the bitterness and finally end in a friendship-fatal fight.

How many of you who is reading this, has ever apologized for a fight? Of course, only if the mistake is with you. Or how many of you can accept that the mistake is with you (also) in a fight? Even if you know that the mistake is with you, have you ever been willing to apologize? Simply go and talk something else can solve the problem, but apologizing from the heart will make the situation much much better. I don't have to tell these things. Everybody who reads this is a mature adult. Everybody knows this. But why very very few people follow these things? I have got no clue...

When was the last time you had a surprise in a quarrel, I mean, you expected your friend to respond in a way but he accepted/apologized for the criticism (you must except me ;) ). So, the next time when you are participating in a quarrel... do whatever you want to do... :) I am not going to advice you anything as I perfectly know that, soon after you close this window (if you have read till now :)), you are going to be the same person as you were before reading this... I just wanted to log my self-realization :)


Gawaskar said...

I follow that in my relationships :) but sometimes i tend to be slower because the ego will get hurt in situation when both feel they are right in their view.At the end i give up my view on go for a better self.

amudhan said...

Gawas, that is really very great to know... I have always known that you are a very mature person in people relationships... don't get tired, and please keep up with this attitude :)

Sindu said...

Hmmm... I feel you have tried to compress a huge point with many sides to it in a small post...have you?

I believe most of the quarrels we have is caused by the disappointment of the other person to live up to the expectation we had on them. At that point, comes this unknown rage... some of us might be deep enough to realize that it really wasn't the other person's fault and it was our folly to have developed the expectation in the first place. Yet, I guess the rage needed some outlet. It is more of an attention seeking game.

Prabakar said...

I don't remember apologizing after a quarrel. May be I don't quarrel much :)

amudhan said...

Very true. If we have to write/discuss about the whys of the quarrels, it would turn out to be a gigantic post and it would deal with human psychology which is NOT our (or my) expertise ;). We are just the poor people who learn psychology from life instead of books.

"It is more of an attention seeking game" - good one :)

If you don't quarrel at all, it is either that you are extremely matured (close to being enlightened) or totally lazy and sloppy ;).