Marriage - Part I

[Surprisingly, this post is NOT going to be R rated but still reader's discretion is required ;)]

The one word which never fails to terrify me and to make my spine chilled is 'marriage'. Seeing, listening and hearing about marriages only make me tremble. Though it has always terrified me, it has never worried me as I was very far away from it. But now, though I am still far away, I can't stop feeling the terror and tremble inside me.

About six months back, when one of my room mates got married, I couldn't actually believe how he could be ready for marriage. He is just an year older than me. So, when I and my other room mates were getting ready to attend his marriage, I told my other room mate, "I don't think I can ever be ready for my marriage". One wise guy replied, "When you see your friends, colleagues and room mates getting married you will start to feel insecure and automatically get ready for it". It was not convincing for me though.

My policy has been "When I see a successful marriage, I will say okay for marriage". But it only seems that if I stick to my policy, I will die as a bachelor :). Then I thought a little deeply... What do I mean by a successful marriage. A couple who never gets a misunderstanding? A couple who never has any quarrel? A couple who never gets in a fight (not necessarily fist fighting :)). An ideal couple in a romantic movie? What defines a successful marriage? Or to tell dramatically, a couple who despite their difference in taste, understand each other and appreciate others' feelings? Obviously not giving birth to a baby...

Any dramatic, cinematic, romantic definition to marriage will be laughable. In fact, any definition for 'successful marriage' will be laughable. I am not talking about how the life will be after the marriage. You may get more problems from somewhere and still be happy with marriage (spouse and marriage are analogous in the context of my thinking). You may get absolutely no problem from anywhere and but not happy because of the marriage. Why almost every married people advice others 'not' to get married? In this case, why marriage is considered a great event in life? Why parents happily get their children married?

When two completely total strangers marry, before the marriage happens, there would be a lot of so-called-well-wishers(family or friends) advice them all the possibilities of 'how to screw your married life'. I have seen people who advised their friends 'never to help his wife in cooking' as it will lower your self prestige and they will start to expect more help. This is a small example. People may advice 'don't ever give up your self prestige' 'always keep her in her line' 'show who is the boss' etc. These are all the perfect recipe for disastrous married life. Of course, there would be a lot of advices from well-wishers for girls also. What they don't realize is, all the people who give such ideas are NOT happy with their marriages and they are just waiting to add another member in their group. So, as soon as the marriage is over, they try to apply all the advices they had got from others and slowly (or very quickly) screw the marriage.

So, what I am thinking is, anyone who is going to marry, should have an open mind. Should have absolutely no expectations from the spouse. 'Expectations' seems like a small word, but is the devil in the disguise. [but can expect that he/she is going to marry the worst junk girl/guy in the entire world :)] Should not take advices from others as how to handle the spouse. If you don't have any idea or plan on how you will treat your spouse, you better don't get married. Should not watch movies, as movies portray ideal couples which is very very improbable in this world. Should not suspect what had had happened in their spouse life in the past. Should be willing to be happy if she/he is loyal to the marriage.

I can keep writing non-sense here, but I want to finish the post with a one-liner 'There are only two ways you can be happy. You adore your ego and try to be happy all by yourself or you kill your ego and be happy with everybody else. The choice is yours.' (Oh... yes... it has three lines) This applies to your married life also. I know, this post is spontaneous and random. No links between each paragraph no concrete opinion and no solid result. These are all glimpses of thoughts I get and there are many more (to come?)...